Are You Going to React or Respond?

When you “react” to something, you are on autopilot. There’s little, if any, conscious thought. Just immediate action.

If you suddenly came across a lion*, chances are your body goes into fight or flight mode and floods your system with stress hormones like adrenalin and cortisol. Your heartrate and respiration increase, your pupils dilate, and your muscles tense, as you face this existential threat.

That reaction makes sense because your survival is at stake. Your body must become instantly prepared to defend itself. This is our body’s IFTTT (If This, Then That) autonomous response system at work, and we are typically unaware that it’s kicked in until after the threat has subsided.

What else triggers an IFTTT reaction in you? Your boss? A difficult colleague? A sudden deadline? Interruptions? Being overruled or told you’re wrong?

Are these your “lions” that put you into a reactive fight or flight mode and drive you, without thinking, to defend yourself from threats?

When you react to all stressors with a survival perspective, your body cannot distinguish them from a charging lion.

While you may be successful and get some wins in the short run, it’s not sustainable over time. The toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health can be staggering, and the impact it can have on relationships can be devastating.

There are three keys to help you shift from reacting to responding:

Awareness: This is a situation that used to trigger you in the past. Pause and recognize that.

Breathing: Taking even as few as three slow and deep breaths – in through your nose, out through your mouth – will slow the release of adrenalin and cortisol.

Curiosity: What’s really going on here? What are they trying to accomplish? How can I understand their motivations and my role more clearly?

Defusing your trigger and approaching situations with open-mindedness and non-judgment curtail your reactiveness. Choosing to respond in lieu of reacting shifts your goal from “dominating” or “defeating” to collaborating on solutions and seeking win-win opportunities.

 

*I took the picture of this 2 or 3-year-old lion while on safari in South Africa a few years ago. His mane was still coming in.