From “Extra” to “Essential”

I have a client who’s a self-described role player. They’re the consummate teammate – deep technical skills, ready to contribute in their area of expertise, and putting “we” before “me.”

Their manager describes them as steady, reliable, always willing to lend a hand, and a true asset to the team. She also said my client tends to “avoid the spotlight” and “stay in their lane” to the detriment of stretching beyond the horizon of what they know they can do with ease. Basically, play it well, and play it safe.

As my client and I discussed this, they revealed this also extends to how they see themselves in the contribution they make to their household. Their partner was the “bread winner” and earned more than enough to provide a comfortable living for them.

My client viewed their take-home pay as just some “extra” to add to savings, help cover niceties, and contribute to vacations or any emergency expenses.

If my client were a baseball player, they’d be a specialist reliever who bridges the gap between the starting pitcher and the closer. Every team needs strong players in this role.

The value to the team of having a reliable pitcher who performs well consistently in the 7th and 8th innings can mean the difference between winning or wasting an outstanding effort by your starter. Mets fans (like me) know this better than most.

Then their partner lost their job, a casualty of the pandemic.

My client’s “extra” earnings were now “essential,” and that was an overwhelming feeling for them. Except for when they were single, they believed that what they earned wasn’t truly that important – if it went away, they and their partner would still be OK. That belief was now blown up.

More significantly, they never viewed themselves in their career as “essential.” This was in direct contrast to their manager’s view of their role and their performance.

As we explored this, I asked my client, “Up until now, what was your approach to work regarding your effort, engagement, and commitment?”

They said they always put 100% toward their work; that they were fully committed to delivering on their responsibilities; and that they wanted to be as helpful as possible to their team.

“How will that change going forward?”

They paused to consider this. “You know what? It won’t.”

“So, what has changed?” I asked.

They replied, “Only how I’m recognizing the importance of my work. That it isn’t extra. That it is vital to the performance of my team.”

“Since your work is important, what can you do now to add even more value in your role?”

We brainstormed some low-risk experiments to help them stretch beyond their comfort zone and how to approach their manager for buy-in and support.

My client realized their work had always been important, and by playing it safe, they also had been playing small. This awareness gave them the courage to step beyond what they believed were their limits. It also released a lot of worry and helped them compartmentalize their partner’s situation versus having it intrude on their own performance.

How are you valuing your contributions and importance at work? How has shifting perspective during difficult moments helped you build resilience and reduce stress?